fill the hole..


 I had money, I had family, and I had the so called happiness dancing around. I had every thing that most of us want, still there was a deep hole inside, somewhere, crying out to me. I always ignored it, as I always thought of it as something unnecessary.


The first time I realized this hole was when I was about to give an interview for a job, which I later got. I prepared a lot for getting this job, I forced my interest towards it. I was living in an illusion, created by lies. I studied without interest and put all my efforts to clear the interview, and as it turned out, I succeeded. That moment when I forced myself, I felt the presence of that deep emotional, or may be spiritual hole inside myself.


But with years passing, that hole got deeper, and was troubling me much more, making me realize its presence in every moment. I wondered how to explain it to my family, and even to my friends. And above all, I didn’t even knew, what it was that I was missing.


My patience was incredible, as I survived with the hole a few more years. And then one day, finally, my patience broke.  I started feeling depressed, I struggled to laugh, even at the funniest situations, I faked all my happiness and sadness about my job, as if  i really cared. And then I decided to seek for the missing part, I didn’t knew from where to start.


 I started observing myself, what I like, what I feel, and what I did. And this process of discovering myself took some more years, and it felt like I was living in a hell. With every possible observation, I found out, that whatever I did in my life, was because of the illusion of lies. I never did anything myself, all was being told to me indirectly. To study, to score good marks, to get a job, to laugh, to cry, to eat, everything was decided universally, which I accepted as I was so involved in the illusion.


This illusion was so convincing that even after discovering it, I lived in it for a long time. Until today, when I finally realized that to be in a illusion is actually being dead.

I am walking on a busy road, and my family probably is busy in reading the letter which I left for them earlier this morning, about my big revelation. With every step I am taking, that hole inside me is getting filled up. It is not the wealth, nor it is the success, it is not even happiness, but it is more important than all these things. It is the freedom of my mind, the freedom to chose and decide, the way to get out of the illusionary world. I know that I may fail, I may not earn much, I may not travel the world, but one thing which I know for sure is that I will live, I will survive. It is so easy, I never thought that it will be, but it is.


Are you living in an illusion? If yes, then get out. Think of the worst that can happen, you will not die, I assure you, because if you don’t come out, you are dead already. Let your mind breathe freely for once.

The wind was blowing ecstatically,

I was letting it, very keenly,

Out of the illusion I was,

Got the freedom of mind, alas,

To live, is not to achieve something,

All your wealth is nothing,

If you remain dead while living,

you will never realize your true being..

0 thoughts on “fill the hole..”

  1. Sha'Tara says:

    How fortunate you are to have discovered this truth. It happened to me in 1979. I was 32 then, married, house paid for, great job. And I was on the edge of suicide from the very same thing: the utter pointlessness of material success. I left it all, walked away, found life, and all these years I’ve walked this new life with increased certainty and joy, accompanied by an equal share of sorrow for this world. Like yourself, I can see it now. I’ve never wanted to return to the old ways. Thank you for the reminder, and may your courage and strength of mind grow in proportion to your commitment to this new way.

    1. shreyans says:

      actually it is not my personal story, i mixed it with fictional instances, but i feel it deeply, as it relates with my journey as well. and i am really glad to know that it connects with you, because today i see a lot of people, even some of my friends, runing everyday and reaching no where, and with them in mind i wrote down the article, i felt each and every word, i hope you felt it too. hope the message gets to more all the people and helps them..

  2. cp_chithra_cp says:

    Oh..I can very much relate this to my life..and many of us around me that I know..I liked what you said ” being in an illusion is like being bead” it is so true..If we dont let ourselves free our mind, then we would be like putting our lives inside a pressure cooker..

    1. shreyans says:

      yes exactly..and i am really glad that you connected with it..i think everybody feels it, but not all have the courage to break the lies..hope this post gives someone the required push..thank you for reading

      1. cp_chithra_cp says:

        This is worth reading Shreyans! What we all should apply to our lives..if not, we are not going to “live” but just live and die..even I can not be a butterfly, my wish is to atleast fly like it does..😊

        1. shreyans says:

          thank you so much..means a lot…wish you fly higher and higher..

    1. shreyans says:

      thank you..glad you liked

  3. radhikasreflection says:

    Very well written shreyans. Most of us can relate to it as it is the story of many. We somehow cannot garner enough courage to heed to our mind and continue life feeling miserable always. ….

    1. shreyans says:

      I am so glad that you too connected with it..just dont know why we keep living in the illusion, but i hope that people will realize it..thank you for reading it..i hope that it gives a push to those in need..

  4. Sanjana says:

    Very well written!

    1. shreyans says:

      Thank you..really glad you liked..

    1. shreyans says:

      Thank you so much…means a lot..

  5. Mabel Kwong says:

    I see that this is a piece of fiction in your WordPress tags, but it felt so relatable to me. Sometimes we live the illusion because we are lost, and we go through the motions in life – like you described so well with the job interview. “To live, is not to achieve something,” So well said and I agree with this. To me, to live is to appreciate every single moment, every single connection. I appreciate the your blog, and you, Shreyan. Well written once again 🙂

    1. shreyans says:

      You always inspire me..and yes, it is relatable, because i have seen and felt related instances..

    2. shreyans says:

      Your words motivate me mabel…i hope you will also like my first book.

      1. Mabel Kwong says:

        I am looking forward to your first book. Good luck with it and let me know when it comes out. I will buy it 🙂

        1. shreyans says:

          Yes sure..would love to get your reaction

    1. shreyans says:

      Thank you so much…really glad to hear that..

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