I had money, I had family, and I had the so called happiness dancing around. I had every thing that most of us want, still there was a deep hole inside, somewhere, crying out to me. I always ignored it, as I always thought of it as something unnecessary.
The first time I realized this hole was when I was about to give an interview for a job, which I later got. I prepared a lot for getting this job, I forced my interest towards it. I was living in an illusion, created by lies. I studied without interest and put all my efforts to clear the interview, and as it turned out, I succeeded. That moment when I forced myself, I felt the presence of that deep emotional, or may be spiritual hole inside myself.
But with years passing, that hole got deeper, and was troubling me much more, making me realize its presence in every moment. I wondered how to explain it to my family, and even to my friends. And above all, I didn’t even knew, what it was that I was missing.
My patience was incredible, as I survived with the hole a few more years. And then one day, finally, my patience broke. I started feeling depressed, I struggled to laugh, even at the funniest situations, I faked all my happiness and sadness about my job, as if i really cared. And then I decided to seek for the missing part, I didn’t knew from where to start.
I started observing myself, what I like, what I feel, and what I did. And this process of discovering myself took some more years, and it felt like I was living in a hell. With every possible observation, I found out, that whatever I did in my life, was because of the illusion of lies. I never did anything myself, all was being told to me indirectly. To study, to score good marks, to get a job, to laugh, to cry, to eat, everything was decided universally, which I accepted as I was so involved in the illusion.
This illusion was so convincing that even after discovering it, I lived in it for a long time. Until today, when I finally realized that to be in a illusion is actually being dead.
I am walking on a busy road, and my family probably is busy in reading the letter which I left for them earlier this morning, about my big revelation. With every step I am taking, that hole inside me is getting filled up. It is not the wealth, nor it is the success, it is not even happiness, but it is more important than all these things. It is the freedom of my mind, the freedom to chose and decide, the way to get out of the illusionary world. I know that I may fail, I may not earn much, I may not travel the world, but one thing which I know for sure is that I will live, I will survive. It is so easy, I never thought that it will be, but it is.
Are you living in an illusion? If yes, then get out. Think of the worst that can happen, you will not die, I assure you, because if you don’t come out, you are dead already. Let your mind breathe freely for once.
The wind was blowing ecstatically,
I was letting it, very keenly,
Out of the illusion I was,
Got the freedom of mind, alas,
To live, is not to achieve something,
All your wealth is nothing,
If you remain dead while living,
you will never realize your true being..