The beautiful world

if given a choice
I would prefer looking at dog shit
rather than this beautiful world
with all you beautiful creatures
the thing is
i am too mesmerized by your beauty
and too caught up in your insights
i know i am bad
worse than dog shit
and that is why i can't handle your beauty
your world is perfect
i prefer not looking at it
it has occured to me lately
that it is therapeutic to look at the shit within
and i am too fond of hope
just as an idea
i love hope
i just don't put pressure on hope
i live in my own filth
and i see every day
hope running around homeless
i want to invite hope to move in with me
to be a part of my disgust
but hope is still in hope
its dream is to reside in a fancy sentence
i don't insist further
i calm down my empathy
my empathy is still learning 
it is watching me in my silence
how am i ignoring this beauty?
sometimes when my empathy is asleep
i often peek into this world
to admire its beauty
even though it is dark in the nights
but the beauty is still visible
maybe it is a part of being human
the beauty
and i am the exception 
i tried a lot to become beautiful
it was not my thing
i like sitting in shit
i often wish that all of you become like me
i am envious of your beauty
but unfortunately i am not contagious
i so want all of you to eat shit like me
it seems impossible
last light i met with hope
i caught him from behind
we discussed
i told hope, my ambition for the world
hope was scared
i made sure that my empathy was asleep
so that i could torture hope
it was of no use
hope was fear in disguise
fear killed it long time back
i won't tell my empathy about it
me and fear now sit together in the dog shit
staying away from the beauty of this world.

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